Socks of the evening, beautiful socks

I’m cold and, frankly, miserable. Sad and difficult stuff. Stuff that pokes at my “yeah, yeah, all in the past, gotta be strong, worse things happen at sea” veneer and makes me howl as said veneer collapses after a brief but bitter struggle. Makes me want to go to bed and sleep for weeks, months, years.

So I’m compromising. Ok, I say, let’s howl. It’s not a weak and snivelling concession of victory to the forces of darkness and nihilism, I say. Really, it isn’t. (Gotta work harder on this one.) Instead of going to bed I’ll curl up on the sofa under a blanket (with the hot(waterbottle)dog of course). And instead of sticking fingers in a wound the nature and extent of which I don’t really understand I’ll do knitting stuff. Because that makes me happy. Even when howling. And it’s national knitting week.

So here are my beautiful malabrigo socks, just finished. So warm, so soft, so gorgeous in every respect. I’m wriggling my toes in them as I type.

beautiful socks

FirstBoy insists it’s his turn next (true, both SecondBoy and I now have two pairs of socks each, he only has one). And these are what he wants. I’ve adapted the chart a bit for a smaller size.

I’m glad, of course, that the boys love their socks. I can understand it, having some of my own. So much warmer and more comfortable than shop-bought. But with great love comes… great holes. And darning. In fact this one had to have a whole new bit of heel knitted in to the gaping void which had been worn through the bottom.

darning

I have to confess to a certain amount of impatience with children’s socks, though. Because really what I want to do is make more for ME. The autumn Knitty is out and there are some storming patterns – Garden Gate, Interlocking Leaves and Hourglass for a start. Not to mention the other hourglass sock project, Los Pequeñeos de Arena over at the AntiCraft.

And there’s also the blanket, hovering in the background, awaiting further strips.

blanket

So much knitting, so little time.

Of late

I keep starting blog posts and never finishing them.

Shit’s been happening and lovely stuff’s been happening. Light ‘n shade, innit.

six legs

sprawling

The lovely stuff has involved other people, food and the extraordinary autumn sunlight of the last few days.

blue chair

listening

It’s also included my pusher enabler leading me astray from my blanket

broken rib

but that’s probably a good thing because the blanket was driving me seriously insane. I’ve done five of the twelve strips so it’s not been entirely deserted.

There’s been art, too, and “art” (aka pile-of-shite) and wine and beer and chocolate. And flasks of coffee. And I had a lucid dream!

Speaking of which, it’s getting late and I must go to bed.

Pictures of people

An interesting (to me, because it confirms my (minority) prejudice) account of one person’s reaction to a picture of them taken without their permission:

She first saw the picture a few weeks after it was taken, and then periodically over the years, but never wanted to contact me. She said she hates it because she was trying to be completely dignified. And the one moment she did what she was trying to avoid – crying – was captured in this frame.

Dream babe

I knew my time was coming because of the pulse of hormones inducing a wall of nausea. The birth itself was easy, seismic, painless, a great letting go. I had moved to squat over a bath mat since I didn’t want to get blood on the linen of a bed not my own. I guided the baby’s head gently onto the mat, the rest of the body followed, bloodless but damp. I wiped dry the limbs, poking out of the pink and orange and black checked flannel pyjamas she was born in, by folding over a corner of the toweling bath mat.

Her hair was silky and golden and curly, her eyes blue. She was definitely a girl, but I lowered the waistband of the pyjama trousers just to check. The tops of her legs fitted into circular holes in her hips like those of a jointed doll. She opened her mouth and it was full of teeth, but teeth which did not grow out of the correct part of the gums. The lining of her cheeks too was unusual, not smooth crenellated as though formed from tiny, unevenly laid bricks of flesh. I held her to my breast fearfully, expecting biting and pain, but she latched on quickly and fed eagerly, first one side then the other.

I had been alone during the birth – the two women who had been with me had left. I was concerned that there was no sign of the afterbirth so I left the cabin to find them. The baby, I now noticed, had an over-prominent forehead. When I put her down on the wooden deck she stood up and tottered a few steps forward.

“I think,” I confided in a low voice so the baby wouldn’t hear me to one of the women in white, “she must have a developmental disorder.” But I did not want to know what it might be called or how it might progress or what its prognosis was. I was filled with love for my child.

I forgot to mention the placenta. But afterwards I stopped worrying about its non-appearance. Perhaps that which had nourished my child was now, secretly, hidden, nourishing me.

(I’m interested in lucid dreaming and dream recall is seen as an important first step. I’ve never attempted to remember my dreams before. It’s fascinating, but undoubtedly mostly only to me.)

PS the new moniker (not Monica)

Lady Penelope was my nickname at former former (former) work. This, in response, was my desktop wallpaper.

lady penelope

It would be wonderful to think I was thus known because I was stylish and fashionable in almost every aspect of my life and a world renowned supermodel etc etc but I think it had more to do with my hair colour, gadget obsession and desire to rehabilitate the colour pink.

I did also have a large orange hat…

london agent

… (which I still have) although it’s a brimless fur number more appropriate for a trip to the arctic than a garden party.

There are many worse role-models. And, after all, I get to drive a seeeriously cool car. Or rather get to be driven in a seeeriously cool car by the faithful Parker (who is never seen parking, incidentally, despite his name).

fab 1

I still have the Lady Penelope mug I was given as a leaving present.

The shawls of Tess

I haven’t been watching the BBC’s Tess of the D’Urbervilles – mainly because I never watch the TV at all but also because, even had I known it was on I would have chosen not to because of the less-than-gleeful subject matter. But F has, and she’s much enamoured of Tess’s shawls.

I have had to watch an entire episode on the iPlayer to get these screenshots but did so with the sound down to protect my delicate depressive sensibilities. I mean, really. It’s just too corrosively gruesomely capriciously unremittingly tragic for the likes of me. And it was one of my A-level O-level set texts. I had more than enough of it then.

Anyhow. The point is not the programme but the shawls. F has some wool which would be ideal for the purpose and wanted to reproduce the garment which, for the knitlit among you, is garter stitch, but not a simple top-down (or bottom up) triangle, rather garter stitch constructed in such a way that the ridges run aslant. And there’s a “spine” of “holes” running up the centre from tip to top.

centre

How, we wondered, is this achieved, since neither of us is a shawl-head. Was it short rows? something like entrelac picking up stiches on a bias whilst also making holes? We just didn’t know. Luckily such is the geeky joy quota of ravelry that an answer can easily be found. Search the hugely sophisticated pattern database for knitted shawls tagged with “garter stitch” and the perfect, and free, pattern is soon revealed. Turns out it’s hugely simple – yarn-over increases on either side of the centre resulting in both the holes, the triangular shape and the angled ridges.

Tess has two – a brown one as well as the black one. Rustic, definitely – thick, plain and unadorned. Homespun, probably. Hand knitted – certainly. But above all versatile.

Here we have the brown one worn over the shoulders, crossed at the front and tied behind. Practical warmth for physical labour.

brown shawl

And here the black version (appropriately enough for this moment in the narrative which involves the death of an infant) over the head with the “wings” wrapped scarf-like around the neck and tied at the nape.

black over head and neck

And, for those frequent bouts of particularly hard manual labour in freezing conditions – both at once:

black and brown

And here we have a brief, lighter, spring-like moment (existing of course only and entirely to make the stygian gloom even blacker) with the brown shawl draped loosely over the shoulders. It’s huge, incidentally, the “wings” come down almost to her knees and the central point behind reaches below the small of her back.

brown loose

The black one is smaller with the ends of the “wings” not even reaching her wrists, as can be seen here:

black shawl loose

Clothes appear to be loaded very heavily with symbolism in the production, from my random sound-down viewings, and I love the whole late Victorian vibe. There’s a particularly delicious red, scooped neck, button-fronted garment which flares over the hips as well as some exciting peplum action. Apparently most of the costumes were destroyed in an arson attack and had to be remade at great speed.

There are many different shawls on display in the programme:

many shawls

enough perhaps to fill a book, but pride of place would have to go to the baby’s:

baby shawl

His name? Sorrow. You don’t need me to tell you it all goes horribly wrong.

Pediculosis

I am so fucking SICK of lice. Sick sick sick sick sick SICK.

Not only do I have very long, very thick hair. I am also ALLERGIC to their FUCKING BITES.

So the children are swanning around, three weeks after returning to school, harbouring communities of the vile creatures (as it turns out) and are showing not the slightest sign of anything at all. But the moment one small insect moves into my hair and starts noshing on my scalp I come out in huge, weeping, bleeding weals that itch like FUCK. They hurt so much it wakes me up in the night.

“One of you children has LICE” I roar and lash out the nit comb and gallons of conditioner. In fact one has both lice and nits in abundance, the other mostly nits.

I change all our bedding and towels and boil wash them because old habits die hard despite the advice on the NHS page:

There is no need to wash clothing, or bedding, if they have come into contact with head lice. This is because head lice quickly die without a host to provide warmth and food.

I go to the chemist and pay vast sums of money (well vast in our circumstances) for some noxious poison, no doubt based on some deadly organophosphate and treat all of us, leave on the lotion for longer than the recommended time, go through each head with the nit comb again. “Die, bastards, die” I chant as I rake the metal teeth of the comb over every square millimeter of scalp.

The children don’t like it. But their suffering is AS NOTHING compared to the FUCKING AGONY I have to endure when undergoing this procedure. The water runs red with the blood seeping from the open sores which have been ripped by the teeth of the comb and further inflamed by being suffused with vile and corrosive chemicals. And my hair’s nearly two feet long.

There are precisely TWO lice in my hair.

So that was three days ago or so. This evening, thinking it was merely an overcautious formality, I got out the bug-busting kit and gave the children the once-over. The first under the comb showed not a even nit. How happy he was. The second adopted the position (head bent low over the side of the bath). And we all stared in disbelief (for this is a communal event) at the vast hordes of lice and nits immobilised in the pools of conditioner combed from his hair.

This, of course, meant that I had to go under the comb again myself. Nada. Zip. Nothing. Just lots of scabs removed from the previously healing wounds.

How can this be? How can we all have exactly the same treatment and it appear to have made not the slightest difference to one of us? Three days isn’t even long enough in the life-cycle of the louse for some mutant poison-resistant nits to have hatched. And besides, all our lovely lice must surely be related and therefore would share any resistant genes that had been handed out. Wouldn’t they?

I’m seriously, very seriously, considering shaving all our heads.

Two circs, wedges and a shower

To Richmond, on Saturday, where we found tropical weather and a pair of recycled shoes.

shoes

They were attached to Pix, who was accompanied by a sock being knitted on two circular needles. She darned in some of my ends (yay!) while I knitted about half an inch of her sock (double yay!) and discovered the delight that is two circ socking. A win-win-win situation for me, really.

two circs sock

We (as in Pix and I) hope we persuaded Karen to join us on a future knitting jaunt. After all, she’s got a lovely wip on the way.

On Sunday we (as in the spawn and I) attended the UK premier of The Rise of Darkrai courtesy of 1stSon who had won tickets in a competition. I shall draw a discreet veil over the experience of the film itself, the screaming children, the fighting for freebies, the hearing-loss resulting from the volume of the soundtrack, the stench of stale popcorn and the brain-death resulting from the narrative.

Afterwards, in the centre of Leicester Square, we drew (relatively) free breath in the small and unexpected park and watched a pigeon take a shower in the fountain.

For a brief moment, what with the sunshine and the birdsong and the gentle sound of water, we might have been somewhere else entirely than the place where we were. Which just went to show how lovely the place where we really were really had been all the time, just without our noticing.

Atmospheric noise and its utility for knitters

My cousin J is having a baby in December. This is storming news. I’ve always loved and admired her very much so obviously the baby must have a very superior knitted something.

Whilst at I Knit Day I saw, pinned up on the wall, this blanket:

It was love.

It’s a pattern by and designed for yarn from The Natural Dye Studio, which is all absolutely beautiful. However from my point of view there were a couple of problems. Firstly the pattern didn’t say how much yarn in total was required and secondly how many different colours were used. The first was simply remedied – I asked to weigh the finished blanket and discovered it was 560g. But as to the second… it was obvious that a very large number of different colourways had been used, but with each 100g skein of alpaca/merino retailing for (a perfectly reasonable) £10.99 the cost of making something similar was rapidly going to become totally prohibitive.

Luckily I had to hand a top advisor (and “enabler”, aka pusher) in the shape of Pixeldiva and a compromise was reached. I purchased three skeins of the luscious alpaca/merino and made up the rest from my (extensive) collection of random balls of similar-weight yarn.

So I ended up with 12 different balls of yarn to make a blanket of 15×12=180 squares, each requiring two colours. The next challenge was distribute the different colours evenly across the grid. I know for certain that it’s definitely got to be worked out in advance (making it up as you go along is a recipe, or rather non-recipe, for disaster) and I also know that I’m not very good at keeping my pet colour combination preferences from dominating the mix.

Enter, tab left, RANDOM.ORG:

RANDOM.ORG offers true random numbers to anyone on the Internet. The randomness comes from atmospheric noise, which for many purposes is better than the pseudo-random number algorithms typically used in computer programs. People use RANDOM.ORG for holding draws, lotteries and sweepstakes, to drive games and gambling sites, for scientific applications and for art and music.

Knitting comes under the “art” category of course.

The blanket is constructed in 12 strips of 15 squares each (which will be sewn together) giving a total of 180 squares requiring two colours/numbers each. I allocated a number between 1 and 12 to each of the yarn colours. What I needed was 180 random sets of two numbers between 1 and 12. So I went to the integer generator and asked for just that – set the total of numbers required to 360, set the integers to be used to any between 1 and 12 and ask for the output to be generated in two columns.

It’s like magic.

I had, of course, to tidy it up just a teeny weeny bit because I didn’t want to have squares with the same colour centre as border. Nor did I want two adjacent squares to have the same border colour. But it was the work of a few minutes to eliminate these results, generate a few more numbers to replace those removed, and then slip the whole lot into a 12×15 spreadsheet.

This makes me almost unbelievably happy. Firstly because I’m deeply sad geeky, secondly because it gives the knitting (which is very very simple) a level of interest to keep me motivated – finding out what each square is going to look like and how it relates to all the others as I go along.

12 yarns required

There are, however, a couple of drawbacks to this otherwise very satisfying project. The first is the necessity to cart around 12 balls of wool at all times thus making the project less than totally portable. The second is the humungous number of ends which will need darning in. Six ends per square, 180 squares… that’s… that’s… 1080 ends! Greater love hath no woman than that she darn in any ends, never mind more than a thousand, for her friend.

the first strip in progress

Meanwhile in other knitting news there are two satisfied customers – Fresca loves her Jayne so much she’s prepared to risk sautéed brain disease by wearing it in 76 degrees of heat; 2ndSon loves his birthday socks so much he’s wearing them literally day and night and contracted extreme smelly feet disease. I’ve had to remove them by force to wash them.

birthday socks