Potty

I am, I freely admit, absolutely potty.

potty

I should really draw a veil over the subject.

spring gauze

But there’s no getting away from it.

takeoff

I have bought a new camera.

catera

Put it next to something so I can see how small it is, she said. The cat! she said.

It is absolutely tiny, like my hands. And so are the lenses. I took a 4″ handheld shot which included the clock on my desk and so small and light is it that there’s very little shake and the clock’s second hand can be seen equally in each of the four second positions.

I’m selling my old body to pay for most of it. (Yeah yeah very funny. NOT.) But actually it’s just sheer irresponsible self-indulgent retail therapy at its most hedonistic.

Up far too late again, very tired but floating on the gadget love boat.

Playing with the moon

It was up in the afternoon, a gleaming crescent basking in the spring-like sunshine.

calipers

Semi-sprawling semi-crouching over the bonnet of a car got it aligned with the calliper branches of the tree above. It took several attempts to get the picture right. Then again in a different position, wedged between a phone junction box and a lamppost, to get it reaching to cup a bauble.

moon under bauble

A beautiful day. Low gentle sun and blossom erupting everywhere. Someone (not me) threw away my bunch of tulips not realising their huge beauty and the beauty still to come. Luckily a neighbour had shared their own bunch of spring flowers by putting them out on the windowsill in front of a superbly reflective window.

spirit of spring

Thank you for sharing them, whoever you are.

Change

As the tulips on the kitchen table bend gracefully with the imperative of gravity on decreasing turgidity so their petals spread wider and wider. But each has one or two furled inwards over stigma and stamens like a man surprised naked will cover his genitals with his hand.

modest tulip

Snort snort

It’s the year of the pig. Apparently it’s very fortunate to bear children in the year of the pig because they will be honest and happy. The firstborn is such a one. He is 12 in a few days’ time.

These lights are at Oxford Circus. So much more attractive than the revolting Christmas decorations hanging there last December.

year of the pig

Barking

The above piece of bark, part of the shed skin of a London plane, was picked up in the autumn for a school art project but never made it out of the house. This morning I put it on the kitchen table with some pieces of paper and experimented.

If it isn’t immediately clear what any of the pictures is supposed to resemble (and I assume that’s almost undoubtedly the case) you can click through to the flickr photoset to see the titles. Or just make up your own.

Roses, sugar and pomegranates

“Are you happy with your choice?” he asked as I straightened up from taking a picture of the serried ranks of roses.

A country accent, bright blue eyes, collar length white hair thinning on top and shabby clothes. He had a petite and exquisitely turned-out woman clinging to his arm. Black high heels, flawless makeup, long black coat. His question seemed serious.

roses are red

“Well, I like the picture but I don’t like the roses” I replied, after a pause for thought.

“Why not?”

“Well, they look far too artificial. Too many petals crushed into too small a space. They look forced, as though they can’t breathe. They’re a bad shape. And the colour,” I added, warming to my theme, “there’s too much dark blue and purple in it. They look bruised. Battered. Attempting perfection and failing.

“I’m sorry…” suddenly catching a glance of the expression on the woman’s face, “these are just my opinions and I’m sure many people feel differently about them.”

“No, I’m interested”, he replied, folding, unfolding and refolding a small piece of paper in his hands, a receipt perhaps.

“But daddy!” the woman exclaimed in a voice which carried not the trace of an accent but betrayed her youth. I realised with a shock that she was in her very early teens.

“There are lots of other roses”, she said. “What about those?” She gestured to a bunch of buds in a sepulchral shade of near black.

“What do you think of them?” he asked.

“Too gloomy. They look like they’ve come off the set of a gothic film.”

His daughter had let go of his arm, presumably exasperated by the sudden complication of what I assumed was supposed to be the purchase of a valentine’s gift for her mother.

“What I’m worried about his how much they’re going to set me back” he said, rather grimly, as he again mechanically folded and unfolded the piece of paper.

“Well, this is Liberty, so whatever you buy will probably be the best of its kind”, I offered as the only consolation against excessive outlay I could think of.

“As well as the most expensive”, I thought as I shook his hand and left them examining the display, relieved he hadn’t asked me what I would choose.

sugar is sweet

Outside the tube station an altogether different approach to the rose trope. What would I choose here? The red-pawed cream bear holding a bunch of artificial roses? the rose-patterned-cellophane wrapped pink fluffy heart with “I love you” stitched in curlicues of scarlet? Or the string of flashing fairy lights twined with a creeper of blowsy rose-red plastic-petalled blooms?

As difficult a decision and no doubt involving products with a similar hefty mark-up albeit starting from a lower base price. Choices, choices.

Tomorrow, valentine’s day, I go to a mediation meeting to discuss the Solomonic topic of splitting the children. Not to mention the property. I’m perhaps not best placed to appreciate the current proliferation of roses, whatever form they take.

and so are you

What I would choose, if I were asked, would be a bunch of pomegranates. Ripe with symbolism I should choose to think of the story of Persephone and the revolving of the seasons.

But I shouldn’t think about it too hard because there’s all sorts of mother-daughter shit which would do my head in. And besides I would be too busy fiddling around trying to eat the damn things. Have you ever tried getting all those hundreds of seeds out?

PS Don’t forget to enter the Global Voices Valentine’s Day Poetry Contest! Even a cynical old saddo such as I might have a go, probably the very best antidote available for rose-overdose.

Rain in the ‘burbs

I took the wide-angle lens out today as I went about my business. Which, when one has children, is everyone else’s business too. A parent approached the secondborn at the school gate this morning and after some discussion she was persuaded to ask him round to play with her son this afternoon. “I’ll call your mum” she said. “Oh you can’t call her now, she’s talking to her psychotherapist” he replied.

Sigh.

I went to see the film Bamako this evening – the gala premier no less!

green park bamako

I was actually within two feet of Danny Glover for about ten seconds and couldn’t think of anything to say to him.The film itself is very interesting – stunning, stunning visually and with some great music. It’s didactic too, strongly so. And it’s being marketed strongly by Christian Aid as an “end the debt and reform the IMF and WB” campaign tool including a petition.

Bits of it absolutely didn’t work for me. And other bits were breathtaking. The latter outweighed the former and it’s definitely worth seeing.

Rain in the 'burbs

I took the wide-angle lens out today as I went about my business. Which, when one has children, is everyone else’s business too. A parent approached the secondborn at the school gate this morning and after some discussion she was persuaded to ask him round to play with her son this afternoon. “I’ll call your mum” she said. “Oh you can’t call her now, she’s talking to her psychotherapist” he replied.

Sigh.

I went to see the film Bamako this evening – the gala premier no less!

green park bamako

I was actually within two feet of Danny Glover for about ten seconds and couldn’t think of anything to say to him.The film itself is very interesting – stunning, stunning visually and with some great music. It’s didactic too, strongly so. And it’s being marketed strongly by Christian Aid as an “end the debt and reform the IMF and WB” campaign tool including a petition.

Bits of it absolutely didn’t work for me. And other bits were breathtaking. The latter outweighed the former and it’s definitely worth seeing.

In the process of torture… a new take on an old scam

United Nations Development Programme (UNDP)
Street Address: Building No. 153, Street No. 13
Area 102, Hay Abi Nawas, P.O. Box 2048 (Alwiyah), Baghdad – Iraq.
Communication Numbers: Tel: + 964 1 8874321/5, 8860383, 8862587
Fax #: + 00 964 1 8862523

Hello,

From: Group Capt. Usman Bello in Iraq.

With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you., I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am in search for a credible private individual, organization or a reliable company overseas, for joint business venture.

I am Group Captain Usman Bello of the UN on Monitoring and Peace –keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq. On the 20th day of November 2006, we were alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb not too far from Karbala here in Iraq. After immediate intervention, we captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving seven (7) injured.

In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman al-Zawahiri and took us to a cave in Karbala which served as their camp. Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including some boxes among which two contains suspected nuclear weapons, one filled with hard drugs (cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars amounting to $10.2M. After I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted them, I however instructed them to keep this in high secrecy.

I am in keen need of a “Reliable and “Trustworthy” person who would receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars for me until my assignment elapses here in Iraq. I assure and promise you will not regret this deal. However feel free to negotiate what you wish to have as your percentage in this business. Assure me of you keeping this in utmost secrecy to protect my job with the UN Monitoring and Peace-Keeping mission. I will be waiting to hear from you as soon as possible to proceed.

If you are interested to work with me in good faith and honesty, get back to me. Endeavor to let me know your decision rather than keeping me waiting.

Please provide me with your information:

Your Full Name:
Home Address:
Office Address:
Telephone
Fax:
Alternative Email:

Thanks in anticipation of a favorable response.

Sincere regards,
Group Captain Usman Bello.

United Nations Development Programme (UNDP)
Street Address: Building No. 153, Street No. 13
Area 102, Hay Abi Nawas, P.O. Box 2048 (Alwiyah), Baghdad – Iraq.
Communication Numbers: Tel: + 964 1 8874321/5, 8860383, 8862587
Fax #: + 00 964 1 8862523

Frizzy bush

frizzy

Because it looks like my hair. It was damp, cold and damp today. Maybe that’s what gave it the kinks. (What did you think I was referring to? really?? No. I wasn’t.)
Although it’s not a tree, being as it is a bush, nevertheless it’s my excuse to draw attention (a few days late, sorry) to this month’s Festival of the Trees, hosted at Ginkgo Dreams.

Next month’s festival will be hosted by Riverside Rambles. Courtesy of Velveteen Rabbi I’ve learned that it was New Year of the Trees a couple of days ago, another reason to celebrate the laying down of rings. So get arboreal and send your entries to larry (dot) ayers (at) gmail (dot) com by February 27, or submit entries via the entry form at Blog Carnival.