All I want for Christmas…

is my two front teeth.

Or, more accurately, the two in the top jaw, left-hand side, that are giving me extreme grief. One is rotten and the one next to it, which seemed perfectly healthy, has just been reduced to half its previous width after a shattering experience with a stone in a piece of bread. I spat out many small splinters of enamel and dentine like a cat given pepper.

At the moment the newly naked stump doesn’t appear to hurt. Maybe it’s in shock. But the new sword-sharp edge is already criss-crossing my cheek with little nicks. Its rotten neighbour hurts intermittently – sometimes not at all, other times agonisingly. I have no idea what that’s all about.

How much longer, I wonder, am I going to have to wait for the promised certification which will allow free dental care? Despite the promise more than a week ago of immediate dispatch (along with some actual – gasp – money) nothing has appeared.

My grandfather apparently sat down heavily on a folding chair the year that one of the many versions of the above song was released. The chair duly folded and he knocked out his front teeth on his knees.

So it could have been worse. But I still want to go to a dentist, preferably well before Christmas.

14 Replies to “All I want for Christmas…”

  1. Ouchy, I don’t suppose you can persuade the aforementioned rock-in-bread seller to fund the emergency treatment?

    On a different note, i sent you an invite to skitch, but it was sent to, so not sure if you got it or not..

  2. Owww! Is it possible go ahead as an emergency case and have it paid for later? Threatening to sue the breadmaker might take longer. I hope you get it taken care of soon – good luck.

  3. I’ve mailed the bakery asking if they’ll pay for treatment – thanks for the suggestion everyone. I’ll let you know what progress there is. Unfortunately, marja-leena, I’m not aware of anywhere you can get dental treatment on a pay-later basis. I’ve cut up my credit cards, for obvious reasons 🙂

  4. Inconveniently skitch don’t seem have a ‘I sent an invite to a wrong address and want to change it’ button.. Let me know if you can’t dig it out and I will send a polite e-mail to them asking if I can have my invite recycled 🙂

  5. Well excitingly I managed to locate both the invitation *and* a friend saying they were on facebook. And purge the spam. So that was well worthwhile. I’m now all skitched up and raring to go.

  6. I actually remember that song. And I can even sing it for you, on demand! (Request at your own risk.)

    I’m relieved and most grateful that you’ll soon be able to receive free dental care, frizzy l. But please, take pity on us single parents and grandparents who are barely scraping by, working two “professional”-but-no-less-god-awful-totally-fucking-craptastically-nauseating jobs to try keep our kids and grandkids breathing and dentitionally sound: Don’t rub it in that money and free dental care are on the way! 😉

    Yours for a painless future,

    [Coming to you more-or-less (a)live from Capitalistika, Earth]

  7. Thanks for your comment Kuahine. However you might be interested to know that I have today received all the money I am going to receive (income support and incapacity benefit) for the period March – October 2007 which is a grand total of £1200. During that period I also I forced my former partner to pay £700 towards the upkeep of the children (he hasn’t contributed anything since December last year). This gives a grand total of £1900 for eight months which is £237 a month. My mortgage costs more than that. As someone who is obviously well versed in the expenses incurred by bringing up children you will realise that just to provide the very bare necessities of life is expensive. I have been funding absolutely everything else out of my savings, built up from twenty years of work. Which are nearly gone. If you think this is preferable to your jobs perhaps we could swap.

  8. Oh, no, it’s a bitch either way. Sorry if it sounded like I was criticizing you instead of our lack of affordable health care (especially for children) in the U.S. You’re in a very difficult situation with very few options, and I have no idea how you’re maintaining so well under such burdens. I shouldn’t post when I’m tired…I was just envying the fact that “free” dental care is available elsewhere, because I need work done, too, but don’t have dental coverage from either job and can’t swing it myself right now. I sure hope your finances improve somehow, and that in the meantime, your tooth pain is alleviated!

  9. And I too should not respond to comments when I’m tired too 🙂

    Yes, healthcare here is so very very much better than in the US for people on lower incomes. I have no idea what would have happened to me if I’d have been living and freelancing in the US when I was ill. However our “free” dentistry leaves a lot to be desired. One man apparently pulled out 14 of his own teeth with a pair of pliers because he had no access to dental care.

    There are many things I have to be thankful for. I just lose sight of them sometimes. Thanks for reminding me. And likewise I hope your jaw/s is/are attended to soon too.

  10. Oops, I’m sorry, you can see I’m not very informed about how welfare works and I didn’t word my suggestion very well. I just wondered if that assistance would cover any dental care at all, and if so, would they allow you to bill them for this if you have the procedure before you actually get the funding. Probably just a small chance that they would. Good luck with all your money problems, rr, (o)

  11. Holy…. I just read that Guardian article. ??!!

    So, when exactly did this “human” thing jump the shark? Back in 1917 when Rutherford split the atom, maybe? Or in 1969 when Lennon split the Beatles?

    Oh well. I suppose we’ll just have to sit through this protracted and dispiriting denouement and hope the damned thing isn’t stuck in a loop, for chrissake.

    In the meantime, please: hide your pliers! 😉

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