Dontcha just love them?

I have a court summons over an unpaid fine for having an “unlicensed mechanically propelled motor vehicle”. Not opening the mail has these penalties unfortunately. And, while we’re on the subject, is there any other kind of motor vehicle apart from the mechanically propelled variety?

Anyway, I call the DVLA to ask whether a letter from my doctor saying I’m fucked in the head might alleviate their wrath. It is the doctor herself who, quite recently and also as it turns out quite rightly, suggested that her services might need to be called upon in this or a similar regard.

The woman at the DVLA says “oh if it’s gone to court we can’t do anything about it, BUT if you have a medical condition you know it’s your duty to inform us of it and if you’re fucked in the head we need to know about it and you must speak NOW to our medical department.”

And why? so they can take my driving licence away.

Great, isn’t it. £1000 fine (plus a large number of different costs) and no licence.

See, I knew opening envelopes was a bad thing to do. Shit like this leaps out and engulfs you.

And anybody, but anybody, who makes any suggestions about what I should have done and when I should have done it, well, um, please try to remember that it would NOT BE HELPFUL. And I might cry.

12 Replies to “DVLA”

  1. Hmm. Maybe that should be non-opener of envelopes. Whatever it is, that’s what I am. We’re like the Elite Corps of Procrastination. We don’t just put stuff off–we don’t even know what it is we’re putting off.

    In hope you don’t lose your license!

  2. I’m glad to be in such exalted company, but I have to tell you that when the recently facilitated “great blitz” happened on the unopened letters – and the finances – the oldest opened missive (and therefore still extant, not purged in one of the nine-monthly or so “throw them all out unopened” sessions) was dated some time in 2004.

    Amusing, in retrospect, was the medical section person’s reassuring “don’t worry, we’ll send you out a questionnaire to fill in” to which I replied “but I have trouble opening my post”. She retorted “but this will be in a brown envelope with DVLA on the front”. I mean. As though that makes the slightest scintilla of a difference. Other than making it much less likely that I’ll open it.

    Le sigh énorme.

  3. “don’t worry, we’ll send you out a questionnaire to fill in” to which I replied “but I have trouble opening my post”.


  4. I think a letter from the doc saying “fucked in the head regarding brown envelopes, but of exemplary sound mind where traffic signs are concerned” ought to do the trick.

  5. Whats wrong with fulfilling the requirements of responsible adulthood (opening letters) when given adult responsibilities (driving)? Modern life doesn’t allow too many opt in/out options. Try less modern life…..

  6. I saw one of your photos on http://www.qarrtsiluni.com. It’s gorgeous, although I can’t see any of the images here for some reason. Maybe because I’m at work and ought to be processing field report forms instead of looking at beautiful photography online.

    Good luck with the courts, etc. That’s a bitch.

  7. Sigh. Yes. Indeed. Evan, not sure what you’re saying here… reads like ‘if you can’t open envelopes you can’t drive’ which would indeed be one way of looking at it. In fact I couldn’t drive, for months and months, but that improved before the envelopes.

    Amy, thanks! No idea why you couldn’t see the pictures but believe me the page must have loaded much faster than usual which is at least something to be thankful for.

  8. i think evan is home alone and hasnt got a chick. and probably sucks cock.who else would peruse the dvla website looking for people to reprimand,preying on their emotional well being and then rejoice at the outcome?the sad twat.by the way, the other answers are fucking quality and i shall recommend this page to all i meet.perhaps we could meet monthly and annoy the fuck out of ev with our motoring misdemeanours.ive got fucking shitloads.he’ll be pulling his badly dyed grecian 20000 ginger eyebrows out.fuck him.keep up the good work.and i’m more than impressed with the literacy of the support group,does anyone sing or have a van thats taxed and mot’d?ps i was only looking to see if i can drive a lorry on a provisional.fuck off ev.im fucked in the head too!

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