Why you should not self-lobotomise

Because at some point in the process you will become unconscious and slither to the floor with your brain exposed. At that point the cat will come and eat it.

True Fact of Life, as the second-born has taken to saying.

This True Fact of Life was brought to you by the Cottontail Hour.

8 Replies to “Why you should not self-lobotomise”

  1. Well hump Hugh Hefner and call me a hippo, how did you guess?

    But no, actually, I’m pretty sure it’s not. At least I hope not. What do toplessness and a fluffy white tail sound like?

    On second thoughts please don’t answer that.

  2. That’s the thing with cats, they just don’t care. A cat could just sit and watch its owner self-lobotomise with no other thought than its next meal. Now dogs on the other hand…

  3. Clearly, someone out there is doing their lobotomies wrong. The brain should never be exposed. Practise more!

  4. Yes, Lucy. I think you’re right. Dogz rool. Obviously. Self-trepanation is apparently perfectly possible (I saw a programme about it on the telly so it must be true) and has the advantage of the holes being so small the cat would not be able to get its teeth into the grey matter. However you need a hand drill and I’ve only got a hammer drill which might be too powerful. Also it was a lobotomy which was prescribed by my personal wikka physician so I’m not sure whether trepanning would be a good substitute.

    acb – I’ve pretty much run out of lobes already. Perhaps I should practice on the cat. Although the problem is that there would be no difference in behaviour by which to evaluate the success or otherwise of the procedure.

  5. Dogs do rule. But you have to appreciate a cat’s indifference sometimes. I remember my dog following me around wanting to know what I was doing and why was I blow drying my hair and did that mean I was going to leave again (“every move you make, every breath you take, I’ll be watching you…”).

    One must only do a frontal lobotomy with a bottle in front of me, er you. But preferably not alone.

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