Saraswati has been good to us

The goddess of music could not better have bestowed her bounty. In each of her four hands she holds a ticket to this evening’s performance by Laura Marling in the iTunes Live London Sessions at the AIR Studios. Two are for Hg and two are for me.

Attentive readers will remember that Hg and I went to an earlier event of Laura Marling’s which turned out to be one of the best gigs ever. He videoed, I snapped.

8

Laura was joint first in Hg’s review of the music of 2007.

We both entered the draw for tickets to the iTunes recordings as soon as it was announced. You may well guess how chuffed we are to going. I’ll be taking my camera more in hope than anticipation of actually being able to employ it.

Now all I have to do is sort out some rather complicated childcare arrangements.

From the ridiculous to the sublime

I would say even if he’s not the love of your life, make sure he’s someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you … I bet there are plenty of these men in the older, overweight, and bald category (which they all eventually become anyway).

If you’re doing some sort of exercise regime any doctor will say a brisk walk of 22 minutes is a good thing for everyone to do once a day, so if you do a brisk walk to this, that will have served its purpose no matter what words have been heard. It is only the story of a large overweight Englishman trying to go round a boat and breaking his arm. That’s really all there is, there’s no philosophy, no history, there’s no social truth to be extracted from that melancholy experience. It is what it is.

…we live in the past or in the future; we are continually expecting the coming of some special hour when our life shall unfold itself in its full significance. And we do not observe that life is flowing like water through our fingers, sifting like precious grain from a loosely fastened bag.

The grand ideas and the despair at being nobody all belong to that world where nothing ordinary has value, that world of flickering Ahrimanic desperation.

From the blinkered space between sleep’s hangover and the numbing cold of a grey morning, look up… and up, and back and see the ordinary, extraordinary patterns on the sky. Zoom lens: eyes, then feet float up towards the tree-tops. Cool, dreamy clarity of Winter shapes.

And so the answer I’d give in response to Annette’s request that I describe my life in six words or less would be the following Zen-inspired definition of consciousness: an endless series of random stimuli. Some folks wait until their dying breath to see their life flash before their eyes, but I say watching your life is as easy as walking down a graffiti-covered alley or flipping through the virtual pages of an electronic photo album, the accident of your life appearing in all its random glory.

Deep down, can we know ourselves to be cut from the same cloth as the blue of the sky, the purple of twilight, the liquid gold of setting sun?

The eye with the thousand arms

So the Canon camera was named after Chenrezig! (the latter being the Tibetan name for the Bodhisattva which has, let’s face it, a serious multiple-manifestation situation):

In 1933, when Precision Optical Instruments Laboratory was established, the name given to cameras manufactured on a trial basis at the time was Kwanon. This title reflected the benevolence of Kwanon, the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy, and embodied the Company’s vision of creating the best cameras in the world. The logo included the word with an image of “Kwanon with 1,000 Arms” and flames.

It’s an interesting assumption that “creating the best cameras in the world” is a reflection of infinite mercy.

I sometimes wonder, vaguely, about the nature of my compulsion to take photographs.

walking the dog

How the desire to capture, preserve, reproduce, hold on to something of a moment might be a form of grasping, in the sense of the second of the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths:

Suffering’s Origin (Samudaya):
“Now this … is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is this craving which leads to renewed existence, accompanied by delight and lust, seeking delight here and there, that is, craving for sensual pleasures, craving for existence, craving for extermination.”

Is it grasping, I wonder, to remember and regret the time when there was a Tunnocks Tea Cake wrapper flattened onto the pavement in the shape of a ballerina swirling long red and white striped skirts and I didn’t have my camera? To remember and regret that I could not hold onto that moment, skewer it with a lens and pin it in the display cabinet that is flickr? Was it not a moment, like all other moments, to be lived in fully and succeeded by the next moment of the present continuous?

Then I looked at this teaching of Ajanh Sumedho on BuddhaNet, part of a series on The Four Noble Truths:

For example, I’ve always liked beautiful scenery. Once during a retreat that I led in Switzerland, I was taken to some beautiful mountains and noticed that there was always a sense of anguish in my mind because there was so much beauty, a continual flow of beautiful sights. I had the feeling of wanting to hold on to everything, that I had to keep alert all the time in order to consume everything with my eyes. It was really wearing me out! Now that was dukkha, wasn’t it?

I find that if I do things heedlessly – even something quite harmless like looking at beautiful mountains – if I’m just reaching out and trying to hold on to something, it always brings an unpleasant feeling. How can you hold on to the Jungfrau and the Eiger? The best you can do is to take a picture of it, trying to capture everything on a piece of paper. That’s dukkha; if you want to hold on to something which is beautiful because you don’t want to be separated from it – that is suffering.

And there’s also this:

When you really see the origin of suffering, you realise that the problem is the grasping of desire not the desire itself. Grasping means being deluded by it, thinking it’s really ‘me’ and ‘mine’.

Now we’re getting somewhere. This reminds me of something Tom Montag wrote recently about making music with friends:

I am playing music and sometimes the music plays me… And if we’re lucky, the songs will play us.

And, if I am luckier still, that bass will play me, and I will have found the last instrument I’ll ever need to buy.

When the music plays you, there’s nothing you can do but keep on playing, keep on playing, and hope it doesn’t end.

It is that magical limen of un/intentionality where the conscious mind seems to cease operating and a synthesis occurs between the internal and external, when with sudden sharp hot stink of fox It enters the dark hole of the head.

Or the dark hole of the camera. The boys call my camera the “black hole” because, they say, no light escapes from it. I prefer to think of it as a conduit porting light from one place to others.

That is how it is, sometimes. The world in all its infinite infinitesimal glory. “Look, look at the beauty. Love it. Rejoice, revel, revere.” That is how it is sometimes.

Breakfast conversation

Me: You know last night we were having a fascinating conversation about favourite words?

Secondspawn: Yes?

Me: So what’s your favourite word?

Ss: Lava!

Me: Lava? why?

Ss: Because it’s only got four letters and it sounds like it’s got more.

Me: ??

Ss: It’s spelt L-A-A-V, you see, which is only four letters, but it sounds like it’s spelt L-R-A-V-E-R which is seven letters.

Me: … aaah.

Dinner conversation

Secondspawn: Mummy, what’s your favourite word?

Me: Hmmm. Interesting question. I shall have to think about it. And of course my favourite word probably changes all the time

pause

Me: I think it’s “incommensurability” at the moment.

Ss: I know what that means.

Me: You do? what does it mean?

Ss: It means that you can’t hold something in a certain way.

Me: I think you may be right.

Dennis the Pirate socks

For various complicated reasons involving a chip wrapper, a golf umbrella, a bin, a karategi, a bus journey and an action similar to the earlier sock-hoovering incident, I am prevented from spending any money on birthday presents for Firstspawn.

The forthcoming occasion cannot, obviously, go unmarked. So I am currently constructing his worst nightmare, a pair of mother-made socks. They’re being knitted from wool I already had lying about the place thus not incurring any expenditure.

I am, though, making a slight gesture towards his tastes. He likes Dennis the Menace, as exemplified by the character’s red-and-black striped jumper, and he likes skulls and crossbones so I decided to combine the two.

dennis the pirate sock

Fine yarn and fine needles mean 60 stitches to cast on for a child’s sock size allowing enough latitude to adapt a free skull chart off the web to repeat perfectly four times around the sock.

Thus it is that I appear to have sort of kind of designed my first knitting pattern. And it would be easily adapted for larger sizes. Perhaps I shall make myself a pair and with luck my appalling tension over the fairisle section will have improved.

I hope he likes them, at least a little bit. But if he doesn’t he knows where the hoover is kept.

Whirlwind weekend

After Saturday morning’s cat-knitting emergency and some swift multi-tasking (emptying the washing machine and cat litter whilst colouring my hair for example) in the afternoon I went to the cinema with H to see No Country for Old Men, the latest film by the Coen brothers. Don’t read anything about it if you want to see it. It’s almost undoubtedly better approached without prior knowledge. It’s a wonderful film, Fargo-esque but bleaker. The cinematography is absolutely stunning, the ending (controversial I understand) puzzling but ultimately satisfying, the acting (particularly Javier Bardem and Tommy Lee Jones) excellent. It takes a bit of digesting though. Definitely not a quick-fix no-brainer film.

Afterwards a beer in a pub with a large number of mice scampering around the floor, then off to Sainsburys for the evening’s essentials – champagne and cat litter. The former for a birthday party, the latter for, I’m sure you’ll be astonished to hear, the cat. Who still lives, not yet stabbed through the heart with a knitting needle, but has a smaller stash of remaining lives.

There is such joy in making things for people. I’m sure I’ve drivelled on about this before but that doesn’t make it less true. Here are A’s birthday arm-warmers and J’s thank-you socks, both now despatched to their recipients.

dashing with socks

A’s party was wonderful. Fireworks banged and sparkled, champagne popped and fizzed, conversation scintillated, seeds were planted, party poppers, er, snapped and showered golden hearts. On top of the earlier beer went ginger champagne cocktails, straight champagne and caipirinhas made with an unusual additional ingredient – champagne. Even the cake was in the shape of a champagne bottle.

I walked home in the crisp darkness under the twinkling stars considerably more steadily than you might imagine. Progress was marked by the metronomic ringing of the metal tip of my kitten-heeled boots on the pavement which echoed off the pavements and walls of the dark and silent streets. About a third of the way along my own street I heard footsteps behind me. Quiet, furtive footsteps. I stuck to my unhurried rhythm and didn’t look round. The furtive footsteps got closer, faster. The unknown person was now running. I had no bag, no valuables, nothing but my front door keys and phone.

Clang, clang, clang went the unperturbed rhythm of steel on pavement. Then a man appeared, attached to the running feet, who whirled around in front of me and said “lovely weather isn’t it”. Clang, clang, clang went the unchanged beat. I glanced at the sky. “There are no clouds” I replied. Clang, clang, clang. “So, how are you?” he asked. “I’m absolutely fine thank you very much” I said. At that he turned and loped away, back in the direction from which he had come. Clang, clang, clang said the unhurried heels to the pavement.

Sunday morning was bright, beautiful and entirely without hangover. I met Jean

pagoda3 - co-snapper

and we went on a lovely walk, with cameras, to Battersea Park

bauble not baobab

and the Peace Pagoda

pagoda1

neither of which I had visited before. The light was absolutely fantastic.

Then we had an exquisite lunch in beautiful, tranquil surroundings and for dessert visited the haberdashery department where Jean was good and I was not.

Well what’s a girl to do? the stockings are rough-going and I need something to ring the changes now that all my other projects have been finished. And besides, the yarn is fair trade and I shall be contributing to the health and well-being of Peruvian children. It would be churlish not to. Thus it is that I shall shortly be casting on the lazaro sleeveless top using hacho yarn shade 303 (coral reef). I managed not quite to hear Jean’s muttering about my cupboard full of wool at home.

Photographs of the day are here.

This is not a prayer flag

blue and white

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

I revisited the video of the talk Mindfulness Stress Reduction and Healing given by Jon Kabat-Zinn and discovered, under the “related” links, a guided meditation session he also gave and was filmed at Google – Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn. He recited the above poem at the end of the session. Highly recommended.

So too is the talk by the extraordinary Buddhist monk, scientist, philosopher, author, photographer, humanitarian activist etc Matthieu RichardChange your Mind, Change your Brain: The Inner Conditions for Authentic Happiness. Much food for thought and hope.